Once I dreamed of living, Now I show people the dream of living!!

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If someone in our society becomes addicted to drugs and deviates from normal life, then we turn away
from him, we look at him with crooked eyes, we make fun of him. As a result, our family and society
unknowingly push the drug addict further astray, but is that a solution? What will be our role if someone
in our family is addicted? To save own honor, maybe we become reckless with each other to sever the
relationship, to banish the person who is addicted, not just family or society, but to banish him from life
forever. We get involved in various crimes out of anger and revenge. The result is more miserable and
painful. Rather, it is possible to bring him back to normal life only by standing by his side with sympathy
and love. That’s exactly what happened in my life. Today I will talk about such an experience with my
own life.

The beginning of Addiction:
From a young age I had a dissatisfaction with everything and an interest in forbidden things. The matter
of addiction was probably inside me. My father used to spend all the time outside. My mother used to
get tired after working in the office all day due to several operations. And could not give me time. I felt
very alone. I used to hang out with friends to get rid of this loneliness. Not only was I bad as a student, I
was also the captain of the school team. When I was in ninth grade, I smoked cigarettes, then cannabis,
phencidyl, heroin and then injections. I could not last more than one / two years in each drug because
every drug is tolerated to take in the body. At the same time the amount of taking drug also increases
and as a result the amount of money increases.

Family Observation:
I am a child of a middle class family. My parents are both government officials, three brothers, I am the
elder, my elder brother is an engineer, my younger brother is a graduate. As a result of taking drugs, my
external changes gradually start happening, such as waking up late, staying up at night, taking more
money, lying, then starting to lose things from home, sometimes from the pockets of my father,
sometimes from the pockets of my brothers. After that, mother’s gold, bronze’s things, brothers’
reading books did not leave out anything in one word. It started to appear in the eyes of my family
member very soon after starting the drug as a student.

The way I came out of this path:
As a result of injecting drug use, I met an employee of an organization called Ashokta Punarbashan
Shongstha (APOSH) in 2005. Let’s talk a little bit about APOSH. APOSH has been working for a long time
in the treatment and rehabilitation of drug addicts, awareness of the evils of drugs and HIV program.
APOSH provides outreach services and DIC services to injecting drug users. Outreach services are the
distribution of syringes / needles to reduce sharing and receiving used syringes / needles, IEC / BCC
distribution for behavior change, 08 types of health education and referring listed drug addicts to DIC for
clinical services. DIC services are giving group education and providing all clinical services to drug addicts

who referred from outreach or voluntarily coming to DIC. The clinical services are sexually transmitted
diseases and HIV testing, abscess treatment, general health care and TB testing by referring to various
GOs/NGOs, Providing DOTs, treatment of drug addicts, awareness about the evils of drugs. Through the
identity of the field worker of APOSH, I became a member of Rajshahi DIC which is operated by APOSH
and continued to take various services.

Then I came down the street. Already separated from family‐relatives and friends. No one was around
me. At that time, I often lived a horrible inhuman life for a year. I couldn’t eat, I didn’t have money to eat
but I still took drugs. Meanwhile people nearby started avoiding me, friends started to move away when
they saw me. That was a miserable life. Repentance was burning me. I was thinking of quitting drugs in
my mind but I didn’t know how to quit drugs, where to go and who will help me. I couldn’t find any
solution. One day I was addicted to something called withdrawal, but it took no money in my pocket, so
I decided that ‘NO’, I have to get out of this addiction anyway. Meanwhile, my whole body was hurting
and I was vomiting. I prayed to Allah that I would endure all this with all my might, give me strength and
that I may never return to the path of intoxication, either bring me back or take me out of the world,
today I am powerless helpless. I didn’t want to take drugs anymore and my eyes were watering. I
couldn’t anymore. My family repeatedly told me about the treatment but I never paid attention to their
words. But when I wanted to get well on my own, my family didn’t give me a chance to get better
because I had been treated so many times in the past. My family considers my desire to recover to be a
new drama.

I gradually reduced the amount of drugs by taking the counseling of the medical assistant and field staff
of Rajshahi DIC of APOSH. From then on, I was rehabilitated completely free for 3 months in
collaboration with APOSH. And then for another 3 months at the expense of my family. The
constitutional life of compromise always said one thing seriously, the first pull of intoxication is the root
of defeat. And this message burned me with remorse all the time. I had a question in my mind‐ what did
I do, can I turn back again? Of course I can. At that time, the Executive Director of APOSH Md. Abul
Bashar Paltu Bhai has always been by my side like a shadow and encouraged me to stay well, keeping
my family and my morale intact. The N/A program has introduced me to religious observance. So,
maybe God forgave me. Gave me back my health. At the age of one year of my recovery, I got a job,
which I started and I am still working on APOSH. I am currently working as a Manager‐Program in the
PWID project implementing by APOSH and funded by the Global Fund. Even today, I am working as a
beacon of light to bring back the people to a healthy life who lost them in darkness. My only goal is to
bring back helpless people to the path of light who are drowning in the deep sea of darkness where as
they can lead a happy life with their families.

Particular Moment for Bad Feeling:
My mother had a major operation when I took drugs. Due to the complications of the operation, my
mother did not regain consciousness. In this case, the doctor gave 72 hours. After 48 hours, my father
came to see our mother with us. Tears in the eyes of all my close relatives including my brother.

Everyone is crying but I didn’t cry that day. Because at that time I used to steal expensive medicines and
injections and sell them and get intoxicated. Mother survived that journey and is still alive today but
feels very bad, guilt is born, if mother had died that day, I could never have forgiven myself. In fact, we
are so helpless to this destructive drug!!!!

The realization of a healthy life:
Every child needs to be given parental time, to be his friend. The child has to take care of whether he is
living an abnormal life or not. Drug addicts should be given love without looking at him with hatred
mind. Because I am a man of this society, I am no one outside the society. No one should go to taste
intoxication out of curiosity. Not everyone has all the power. It’s not right to think that I can do it, that
someone else can. I wanted, still want; I will live like myself, not like anyone else. Intoxication did not
allow me to do that. Repeatedly he wanted to drive me like it’s way. It wanted me to become lifeless, to
become fragile and I always wanted bright light, energetic and sparkling life. It was this contrast that
saved me. Life has reached the path of the possibility of a bright future. I don’t like darkness. But a drug
addict is just a worshiper of darkness. There will be sorrow in every life, there will be pain, but it is
foolish to think that he will escape from everything by getting drugs. Like throwing a rock in a pond, a
wave wakes up but disappears for a while. So I say sorry, let the pain go at its own way. Do not go to the
dam with intoxication otherwise it will gradually become stronger. As we can learn from the technique
of generating hydroelectricity. I am a very ordinary person. I never had ambitions. I have to be this; I
have to do this. My parents have always told me to be a good human. Now I am pursuing that. I pray to
the creator that ‘Allah help me to live a drug free life till death and at the same time, give back the
healthy life to the brothers and sisters who are on the path of death (drug addicts).’’

S.M. Abdullah‐Al‐Reza
Manager‐Program, NFM‐3
Ashokta Punarbashan Shongstha (APOSH), Rajshahi.
Mobile: 01710‐441272